Comments for Aunt Lute

Comment on Struggle as Activism? A letter from Aunt Lute Co-founder Joan Pinkvoss by Dulce Garcia

Dulce Garcia — Tue, 15 May 2012 00:11:14 +0000

Hi Joan, thank you for continuing the conversation/dialogue on your blog. I have to say that I was saddened and disappointed by the way the discussion played at that evening. In continuing this conversation, I would kindly ask folks to think about intent vs. impact. To think about the intention they have with the words they are using and the actual impact it will have on others who are part of this conversation. It was obvious from that evening that many folks (continue to) carry pain and although their intention may only be to vent and let their true feelings be heard, the choice of words they use has a direct impact on those of us in the room. The discussion needs to be focused on how to move forward in creating safe and welcoming spaces for all, rather than finger pointing and accusations. Through these dialogues I would also like to remind folks about self-care, and knowing how much energy and time they are willing to put into this discussion/dialogue. These discussions can be mentally and emotionally draining and we want to make sure that we are doing the necessary self-care to not only model the behavior but also avoid burn-out. I look forward to being a part of this dialogue and growing as a community.

Comment on Struggle as Activism? A letter from Aunt Lute Co-founder Joan Pinkvoss by Chenxing

Chenxing — Sun, 13 May 2012 06:37:43 +0000

I’m so grateful for the courage of the many people who have shared their perspectives—even (or perhaps especially) those I don’t agree with. Insofar as we’re all grappling with these big questions (of who, what, and why we are), I do see us engaged in an ongoing “struggle.” But “struggle” brings to mind a hapless victim in the not-so-loving embrace of an octopus, and, many-tentacled as these questions may be, I don’t think they always need to be suffocating. (Indeed, it can be joyful, as the laughter at the La Peña event demonstrated!) So, as Jaime wrote, I don’t resonate with the word “struggle.” And I feel deeply indebted to the sacrifices of those who’ve made it possible for me to arrive at this realization.

I remember reading Alice Walker’s The Temple of My Familiar in middle school, having fully claimed English as my native tongue after immigrating from China, and coming across an idea that made so much sense: gender is fluid. Though this notion has always seemed intuitive to me, I have never met harassment for my perceived sex/gender, probably since most would label me as female/woman. Yet I have never felt at home in this or any label, though I do wear some of them more intimately than others: 1.5 generation immigrant, (convert, ecumenical) Buddhist, Chinese American…

The discrimination that my body remembers most deeply is racial. It is this visceral memory that accounts for the sadness I feel when anybody is made to suffer due to others’ actions and words. I felt this sadness very keenly at one point during the La Peña event, upon hearing hurtful comments that seemed to deny the very legitimacy of an entire group of people.

As a Buddhist, I’m aware that there is suffering—and there is a path to the end of suffering. To me, the word “movement” is more compelling than “struggle.” It reminds me that all phenomena are constantly changing and unfolding. It reminds me that I have a choice in how to direct my thoughts, speech, and actions, how to move my mind, mouth, and body. To answer one of Joan’s questions, spirituality and religion are very important elements of activism for me—indeed, they are foundational. The activism I aspire to is comprised of acts of healing, however small: caring for myself and others, with joy and forgiveness and compassion, in the extraordinarily interconnected world in which we live.

Comment on Struggle as Activism? A letter from Aunt Lute Co-founder Joan Pinkvoss by Cathy Cade

Cathy Cade — Sat, 12 May 2012 02:57:25 +0000

Thank you so much for sharing these thoughts Jody. Cathy Cade

Comment on Struggle as Activism? A letter from Aunt Lute Co-founder Joan Pinkvoss by Sim

Sim — Fri, 11 May 2012 19:49:41 +0000

It was so difficult to experience the event devolving into virtual name calling. It felt like some (older) women totally forgot that feminism is not just for female born women. Feminism, I always believed, was a wide open door through which everyone could walk toward a vision of ever expanding inclusiveness. To me feminism was a willing host for a world bigger than the narrow construct we had previously been condemned to inhabit. The LAST thing I want to do, as a feminist, is tell someone else that their self-definition is wrong.

The angry, judgmental comments stated in the guise of discussion reminded of the ‘sex wars,’ when I worked in a women’s bookstore and collective members battled over whether or not to put “on our backs,” the lesbian S&M magazine, on the shelves.

The patriarchy taught us to demean and destroy the people with whom we disagree — but feminism gave us a way to reach for higher ground. Let’s chose feminism again — for EVERYONE.

Comment on Struggle as Activism? A letter from Aunt Lute Co-founder Joan Pinkvoss by jody sokolower

jody sokolower — Fri, 11 May 2012 14:54:25 +0000

Thanks for continuing the conversation.

As an unreconstructed flannel anti-imperialist lesbian from the 70s, I was struck by the inclusive and respectful tone of younger participants at the event, and the lack of that tone by some in the audience from my own grey-haired generation.

When my daughter, who is now about to graduate from college, was five, she asked me if she had to stay the same gender her whole life or if she could change. As I explained that yes, she could change, my first reaction was grieved shock: I had worked my whole life to expand gender definitions so “woman” would be large enough to encompass anything we wanted to be. Was it all for nothing?

My second reaction was different: Ericka wasn’t a political line; she was my child and I had two choices: support her in growing to be who she wanted to be, or act the way my parents did when I came out. There was really no choice. I started educating myself to be supportive, to deal with my prejudices and my subjectivity.

There is no doubt that every generation of the struggle against patriarchy has paid in blood; and each generation stands on the shoulders of those who went before. But, as elders, we have a job and a responsibility: to make sure we have passed on the history as clearly and honestly as we can. And then to support the next generation and the ones after that in challenging and expanding our definitions of liberation. To open our hearts and our minds to see how their flowering comes from our roots.

Comment on Struggle as Activism? A letter from Aunt Lute Co-founder Joan Pinkvoss by Jaime Jenett

Jaime Jenett — Thu, 10 May 2012 23:57:11 +0000

Joan,
Thank you for creating this forum. As a 36 year old white raised upper-middle class femme lesbian, the word “struggle” doesn’t resonate with me. It’s sort of earth-shattering when I take a moment to think about that. I have never not been out. I came out to myself at 17, I told my parents, I lived my life out and 21 years later I am happily married to a woman and we have a child (you can see more about our family at http://www.thedevotionproject.org). My life has been very…pleasant. And I’m very clear that a large part of that privilege is the direct result of the intense, bloody, tear-filled, angry, lusty struggles of queer (that’s the easiest word for me to use to be inclusive) people who came before me.
It feels like in my generation, the struggle has moved out into the thinner edges. My circles don’t talk about the struggle to come out as lesbians (although, that certainly varies by class, race, gender, geography). The work you and your comrades did over the past decades has paid off and the fight you started about lesbian rights and feminism is now being hashed out in newspapers and courtrooms in ways I couldn’t imagine even 20 years ago. Thank you.
The thing we talk about now in my circles is gender. Not exactly what does it mean to be female, but more what is this whole gender thing and we can expand our understanding of how it gets used. In my early 20’s, I can honestly say I felt a sense of loss when people I thought of as butch women (many of them smoking hot) began to question their gender and many began to transition. I felt like “we were losing them “. Their rejection of femaleness in their own body felt like a form of misogyny. I couldn’t understand how someone could go to such extreme measures to excise their femaleness (top surgery, testosterone, etc) and not, somewhere deep down, hate women?
When I look closer, I see that many of these folks were and still are ardent feminists. A shift in their gender presentation didn’t suddenly un-do their politics. Many of the folks I know that transitioned to male are using the male privilege that they are being granted by society to our advantage. Trans folks are NOT our enemies. Sexism is.
It took me years to realize that I simply may never understand what it’s like to not have my gender and my sex line up. I just won’t. Just like a straight person may never understand what it’s like for a lesbian’s brain to tell her to desire women. But just because I don’t understand doesn’t mean I have to judge.
I now have a number of transgender friends that are close, close in my heart. I see the way they fight the same fight we are all fighting- against judgment, against oppression, against tyranny. These things that hurt lesbians hurt trans folks too. In fact, I often see trans folks taking the lumps in our community that radical lesbian feminists took a few decades ago.
Over the years I have come to realize that we only “lose” these gorgeous, dynamic human beings from our community if we draw a line in the sand. Trans women and trans men are only “other” if we make them so.
What do we have to lose if we say “you are one of us” instead of “who do you think you are”?

Comment on Struggle as Activism? A letter from Aunt Lute Co-founder Joan Pinkvoss by animal prufrock

animal prufrock — Thu, 10 May 2012 19:05:35 +0000

hey joan –

thanks for writing this. it was unfortunate that the dialog did not have a trained moderator, who could frame the dialog in a way that fostered a safe space for heated conversation.

i think even the last sentence – women, lesbian and transwomen – creates a sense of separate categories that are actually NOT separate – women are transwomen, are dykes, are tranny dykes, are lesbians are straight, etc…

to expand on dylan vades’concept of a gender galaxy –

i am writing a song in which the chorus is about how we are all a part of galaxies of queer – and how we need to come together in that we are all living outside normative structures of gender, sexuality, expression, lifestyle, etc…

it is time to listen to each other.

it is time to love each other even if we have different ideas -
and make sure that our ideas are expressed as offerings and not penetrations…

there are complexities to our stories that have led to fear and anger -
but we are all queers – whether its because we are old, or old school, or new school…it is our difference that makes us on the same team.

lets remember we are on the same team – and build a strong diverse community and show the world how it is possible to love and be different.

and everyone needs to have compassion for the “standpoint” of the “other”
in order to grow and expand the spirals of love.

love,
animal

Comment on Guest Blogger: Animal Prufrock – “I will begin with my name…” by jody sokolower

jody sokolower — Wed, 09 May 2012 22:57:03 +0000

I want to thank you, Animal, for your lovely blog and even more for your insightful remarks at the Intergenerational Forum recently at La Peña in Berkeley. As an unreconstructed flannel anti-imperialist lesbian from the 70s, I was struck by the inclusive and respectful tone of younger participants, and the lack of that tone by some in the audience from my own grey-haired generation.

There is no doubt that every generation of the struggle against patriarchy has paid in blood; and each generation stands on the shoulders of those who went before. But, as elders, we have a job and a responsibility: to support the next generation and the ones after that in challenging and expanding our definitions of liberation. To open our hearts and our minds to see how their flowering comes from our roots.

Comment on Guest Blogger: Animal Prufrock – “I will begin with my name…” by AJ Rosina

AJ Rosina — Thu, 26 Apr 2012 00:33:57 +0000

Animal,

All I can say is yes to food, family, and to the many sides of Catholicism; I know and love a lot of devout Catholics; many of them are definitely nuns.

I have yet to finish this article, but I thought I would pass it along in case you haven’t seen it.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/02/us/02nuns.html?_r=1&pagewanted=all

Best,
AJ

Comment on Guest Blogger: Animal Prufrock – “I will begin with my name…” by animal prufrock

animal prufrock — Wed, 25 Apr 2012 17:28:37 +0000

hi linda –

thanks for the response –

i just wrote a response that got erased
because of the recurring CAPTCHA problem….

basically i said – that yes i think we are all talking about a similar process -
but with different words –

and its beautiful to see it as a weaving – but when it feels like a ripping or tearing
instead of a weaving – concern emerges –

i look forward to this thursday – and maybe some unpacking
of these different ways of expressing commonalties
that are experienced as difference….